The ITF Individual World Championship held in Antalya, Turkey in March 2023 provided a one-of-a-kind experience for many participants. Only players with a high enough ranking were eligible to compete, and as a hobbyist tennis player, I was ecstatic to have the opportunity to participate.

The Alibey Club, the competition venue, was stunning. We had access to the beach within a three-minute walk, unlimited meals available around the clock, access to the spa, spacious bedrooms, and more. The accommodations were top-notch, providing an excellent opportunity to relax and unwind between matches. However, I soon realised that I was likely the only amateur player among a sea of semi-professional players.

As soon as I arrived, I was filled with excitement, but soon it was replace with a sense of impostor syndrome. Most of the players already knew each other, and when I saw their level of professionalism and skills, that feeling only grew stronger. Many of them had just represented their countries in the Team competition the week before and came with a full entourage of physios, hitting partners, and the likes. I wasn't prepared! I realised that I hadn't done enough research or trained hard enough.

Winning my only match due to my opponent's injury during warm-up only made me feel even more inadequate. (we nearly won our second match through retirement as well when our opponent got hit in the privates - Play was stopped for nearly 10 minutes...).

This week has been overwhelming surrounded by such skilled players, but it was also motivating. I understand that to play at that level, I have a lot of work to do - and I mean a lot... but it is not impossible. 

Loneliness engulfed me when I suffered defeat in the first round, leaving me to confront my disappointment all by myself. Being trapped in my own head with negative thoughts wasn't an ideal situation. The aftermath of a loss is never easy, especially when you're sitting alone in your room, contemplating your chances of success in a tournament where the odds are always against you, with only one person emerging as the victor. Enduring four consecutive first-round losses can be particularly challenging, particularly when traveling alone. While my fellow competitors focused on physical training, I found some kind of solace in work (blogging, writting newsletters, answering a couple of emails and texts) as it provided a welcome distraction from my negative thoughts..

To compound my misery, I was feeling unwell and, rather unglamorously, was hit by diarrhea. I only ate an apple, half a piece of bread, and a banana over three days... This has been great to lose 3 kg (hopefully I won't binge eat it back).  Jet lag, bacteria, lack of sleep, and exposure to foreign illnesses when traveling to different countries increase the likelihood of falling ill. I wasn't ready for that unlike my doubles partner who had an entire pharmacy in his bag. As I don't read Czech, I kindly declined his offer to use his pharmacy.

I now find myself contemplating whether it's truly feasible for me to compete at this level without devoting ample effort to juggling 10is Academy, coaching responsibilities, family commitments, and tennis obligations. I'm uncertain if I possess the ability to manage all of these responsibilities effectively. I'm concerned that it might place undue strain on my coaching, or even worse, on my family. Sandrine has been an invaluable support system thus far, and I'm questioning whether it's fair to ask her to shoulder additional pressure by caring for our daughter while I'm playing tennis.

Although my experience may seem negative, I am eager to embrace another opportunity to compete. The thrill of competition is ingrained in my character, and I refuse to let this setback define me. Instead, I choose to see it as an opportunity for growth and development. I take immense pride in having pushed myself to reach a higher level of competition, and for accepting the challenge when many others might have shied away. It takes courage and perseverance to step up to the plate and face one's fears. Though the experience may have been disappointing, I know that I have grown stronger. In fact, I am excited to see how this experience will help me to grow even further. Every challenge presents an opportunity for learning, and I am committed to taking the lessons from this experience and applying them to future challenges. Whether it be improving my technique, building mental toughness, or working on my physical fitness, I am determined to emerge from this experience stronger, wiser, and better prepared for the challenges that lie ahead.

Next time, I aspire to be fully prepared mentally, physically, and technically. It would be wonderful to have Sandrine and the kids with me, and even a friend to hit the ball with (I know Tom offered to wipe the clay after my matches but it might take a bit of convincing to have him play the hitting partner as well :). If I were to win the lottery, I would undoubtedly take part in hundreds of competitions week in week out.